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List of Banned Phrases
The following is a complete list of words or phrases that water baseball players are not allowed to say, utter, proclaim, or otherwise articulate. The PWBL is very picky about vulgar, inappropriate, slanderous, and gramatically incorrect language. The league monitors its players 24 hours a day, 361 days a year (with the exceptions being Easter, Thanksgving, Christmas, and Brad's birthday) and will punish the players for any of the following specific words or phrases. The writer of the rule book was authorized to use these phrases on this Wiki page without fear of punishment. Specific Words or Phrases 21 Players may not refer to the card game "Black Jack" as "21." 21 is a number, not a card game. I don't hear people refer to bowling as "300," or gymnastics as "10" even though both of those are also perfect scores. * First offense: Warning * Second and subsequent offenses: Must play black jack against the commissioner. If the player wins, no discipline. If the player doubles down and wins, the player will receive a $50,000 bonus. If the player loses, he is suspended for 2 games. If the player doubles down but loses, he is suspended for 20 games. In the event of a push, the commissioner may push the player into the pool during a future WBB game. If the player calls the game "21" during this game of black jack, the player will be sent to the Las Vegas Debtors until Rob pays General, unless the player's current team is worse or in a more laughable state (e.g. Miami). All of the Sudden WBB Players are not allowed to say "All of the sudden" *First offense: Warning *Second offense: Must wear Rick Vaughn-esque glasses for a game *Third offense: 1/2 game suspension (must either sit out five innings or play DH for entire game. Pitchers may only throw for a maximum of four innings) *Fourth offense: Suspended for 40 games. During this time, the player must work a "Monday through Friday job" at Goliath National Bank in their loss mitigation department. After said suspension, they will be forced to play for the New York Water Baseball Players for a year. Chicago Fold Players are not allowed to refer to a specific beanbag throwing technique as a "Chicago fold." However the phrase "Chicago fold" is allowed in other context. (e.g. "I just got back from Chicago. Fold your clothes!"). *First offense: Sent to the Los Angeles Drowners for a year. If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down Players are not allowed to say "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down" EVER. This is one of the more disgusting sayings by democrats attempting to conserve water, which, by the way, is a renewable resource. * First offense: 40-game suspension * Second offense: Banishment from water baseball. A player is elegible for reinstatement after two years. * Third offense: Four years in a maximum security Water Baseball Prison, followed by one year in a minimum security Water Baseball Prison, followed by one month of freedom, followed by one year in the maximum security water baseball prison again, followed by a stay in the 3/4-way house. My Bad Players are not allowed to say "My Bad" on Mondays, Wednesdays, or Fridays of months that end in "ember," "gust," or any other Pokemon move. (For example, if January were to become "Januflamethrower," this rule would apply to that month also. * First offense: Warning * Second offense: Requirement to play first base for one inning (regular first basemen will instead be required to work as a cameraman for one inning) * Third and subsequent offenses: Two-game suspension One Game Playoff A tiebreaker can not be referred to as a "one game playoff." :*First offense: 2-game suspension :*Second offense: 6-game suspension :*Third offense: Sent to the Los Angeles Drowners for one year Smithwick's Ale WBB players are not allowed to refer to Smithwick's Ale as "smith-wicks" on Fridays. * First offense: Firm "talking to" in the commissioner's office. * Second offense: 1/2 game suspension (the player must be the DH for a game, he isn't allowed to play in the field. If the player is a pitcher, he may only pitch for a maximum of four innings). * Third offense: 6-game suspension * Fourth offense: Must play for the Miami Druggies for one year. Steven Rakar WBB players are not allowed to say "Steven Rakar," unless they are talking to/about the Alaska Blubber Nuggets player with that name *First offense: Warning *Second offense: 6-game suspension and requirement to grow a beard *Third offense: Sent to the Los Angeles Drowners for one year. Summer WBB players and personnel are not allowed to use "summer" as a verb (e.g. I am going to summer in the Hamptons). This brings off a snobbish appearance that the working class water baseball fan base does not like. *First offense: Warning *Second offense: 2-game suspension *Third offense: 6-game suspension *Fourth offense: Forced to winter in Siberia (i.e. the player must stay in Siberia from January 2 through March 11 of a given year in Siberia, Every day (except Sundays, or Saturdays for Jewish players, must include 8 hours of outdoor labor). *Fifth Offence: Forced to play for the Sarajevo Christmas Eves of the Bosnia-Herzogovina Water Baseball Association for the rest of your career. Tampa's WBB Team WBB players, announcers, members of the media, etc. are not permitted to refer to Tampa's WBB team (The Legend...Wait For It...Daries) as "Tampa Bay," abbreviate them as "TB," or to use any number other than three (3) dots in the elipses of the team's name. *First offense: 2-game suspension *Second offense: Must decide between a 10-game suspension or to eat an entire loaf of bread in one sitting (a la Mike the dog) *Third offense: Sent to the Tampa Legend...Wait For It...Daries for one year. Grocery Store Banned Phrases There are several phrases that Water Baseball players are not allowed to say while grocery shopping. These phrases are not offensive, but grocery store employees get tired of hearing the same "dad jokes" over and over again. * "That was a good year!" when the total comes to $18.something or $19.something * "I just made that" (or similar) when the cashier is using a marker on a $20 or $50 bill or looking at said bill into the light in order to verify if the bill is real. (WBB players are allowed to say "I just made that" for $100 bills). * "Must be free" if an item doesn't scan. * "you look bored" or "you need something to do" (or similar) when they see a cashier with no line. * "Do you work here?" to an employee when it is obvious that they do. * "Do you work here?" to a customer when it is obvious that they do not. * "I bet it is nice to be in the air conditioner all day" (or similar) * Referring to an employee by his/her name. An exception is made if the WBB player knows the employee from outside the grocery store. * Referring to the manager as the "skipper" or the "Tito." this is a grocery store, not a WBB game. If you violate these rules, you will receive the following discipline * 1st offense: warning * 2nd offense: requirement to work 10:30-7 on a Sunday at the Chesterland Giant Eagle. * 3rd offense: 6-game suspension. This suspension can be reduced to 5 games, but only if a player can find an authentic Italian item on an Olive Garden menu. * 4th offense: Sent to the Washington Representatives for a year.